Pop Culture Cuisinart

First Britney Spears gave us this award winning moment in parenting

Now a pregnant Gwyneth Paltrow has been spotted downing Guinness at a NYC sushi bar. Why is it that most children of celebrities seem like they would be better off being raised by wolves? Sure they might soil the carpet and howl uncontrollably, but at least then they would have a functional skill like killing wildlife with their teeth. Now the best that people like Paris Hilton can do is go clubbing and make sex tapes.

This would make a lovely DVD extra, video here.

Thanks to mcd for the link.

Where?



Blue states from sea to shining sea, I didn't think it was possible. Bush is now less popular in most of America than bird flu.

Academy award winners Three 6 Mafia (still having trouble with that one) are working with Paris Hilton on a record. Now I've never actually heard Paris sing (and I'm pretty sure I don't want to), but could she conceivably be any less talented than Kevin Federline? Actually she and K-Fed should get together, they posess the same skills (spending others money, frequenting nightclubs, being famous despite no discernable talent). Any offspring of theirs could potentially be so useless, and yet so tabloid worthy, that it could cause a rift in the space-time continuum.

Props to Alex for the link.

First off it's a screen shot from the upcoming film about Marie-Antoinette by Sofia Coppola. Textually it's tremendous, there's a dreamy quality that makes it look almost like an oil painting. In fact you might think it was a classical oil painting, until you notice the dude in the hoody in the lower left hand corner of the picture. Oops, can we get the grips out of the shot please.

Former Senate Majority Leader George Mitchell will head the investigation effort according to ESPN. Is there anyone that doesn't think Bonds used steroids? Does this really require a major investigation? We know a great many of the swollen, big headed, zit backed sluggers clearly were on the juice for quite a while. Baseball had to know too, and yet they did nothing for years as fans flocked through the turnstiles to watch balls get smashed into orbit. Bud Selig seemed content to plead ignorance as HR records fell and profits soared, and now he wants an investigation. Gentleman, start the scapegoating! This ought to be worth a few chuckles.

Tom Silverstein, of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, reports the NFL is expected to release the regular season schedule Thursday, April 6.

Sweet, then we will find out where the Falcons will be unveiling their new stud defence and the Eagles will unleash the fully healthy Donovan McNabb.

I'm not even sure I have the words for this. This is surely a perfect Christmas gift for
That's about all that's left in the positive Bush approval column.

Whitney's sister in law, Tina Brown told the NY Daily News that Whitney needs to come off crack or risk death. Here are some highlights from the story:
Lurid photos supplied by Brown, and reportedly taken in January at Houston's Georgia home, show a filthy bathroom littered with drug paraphernalia, including powder-coated spoons, garbage and debris. The crack housekeeping seal of approval no doubt. I'm guessing they won't win yard of the month, either.

The once-gorgeous, velvet-voiced crooner who wooed Kevin Costner in "The Bodyguard" now "spends her days locked in her bedroom amid piles of garbage, smoking crack, using sex toys to satisfy herself and ignoring personal hygiene," Somewhere Robin Leach is considering a comeback.

In 2004, a drug dealer called Bobby Brown and ordered him to remove the paranoid and out-of-control Whitney from his crack house. "Come get your wife. I'm sick of this b----," the dealer reportedly complained. Wow, how obnoixous does one have to get to be kicked out of a crack house? Can you imagine? Yo man, come get Whitney, she's bringing down the vibe. Pookie can hardly finish his 8-ball.

Good times.

Water, Falling, and Kurt Russell's unmovable hair, Oh my! If Russell's character was named Snake, and this movie was called Escape from Boat; I might be more inclined to be excited. Btw, the producers aren't actually going to kill off Fergie, are they? That would just be depressing. Aqua Hellva!

How many movie cliche's will this film contain? A boatload, perhaps.

Samuel L. Jackson will narrate a parody of the film March of the Penguins, which will mix footage from the original film with an R-rated script written by Bob Saget.
Saget explains he was compelled to make up voices for the birds while watching the movie with a friend:
"I couldn't stop doing the voice-overs of the penguins, reminiscent of when I did those animal voices on that video show back in the day."

Performing voices eh, Bob? So if Bob Saget asks you to watch a movie with him, make sure he promises to STFU when you get to the theater.

Among the other celebs tapped to provide voices to the film are, Tracy Morgan, Lewis Black, and Whoopi Goldberg. It will probably be pretty funny though, so undoubtedly I'll be seeing it.

I think this guy is just a little too into Halo.

Is it just me or does anyone else want Carmelo to yell "Say hello to my little friend!" Tony Montana style every time Earl Boykins checks into the game. Just me, huh.

Looks like new Fed chief Bernanke is staying the course on interest rate hikes. Great news for all of you with interest bearing bank accounts, not so hot if you have an adjustible rate mortgage.

Jessica Alba says she's tired of playing sexy roles in movies. "I'll leave the slutty girl to other people and I'll play the sweet, moral girlfriend who believes in love - roles that are more interesting than playing a vixen. That's where I want to go next - a romantic comedy or something like that." Earth to Jessica, nobody wants to see you try to act(acting is not the reason I watched Dark Angel), leave that to people who suffer from all the sex appeal of a toaster oven. You need to keep taking roles that play to your strengths, such as leather, wet t-shirts, or well placed dabs of whipped cream. So take a part as a lesbian ninja warrior opposite Keira Knightley and we will all be happy.

Sci Fi Channel is having a Who wants to be a Super Hero reality show. I'm sure this will drag the dregs of Dragon Con out into the light. 2 questions, will I have to see these people in tights(ugh), and how are these geeks going to become real life superheros? I'm guesing it will involve lots of delusion, and even greater amounts of public ridicule. Let's go back to Mom's basemen-, er, the Batcave!

I offer you the wisdom of Sharon Stone. Ladies if you can't make a guy stop pushing for sex, offer him a blowjob. While I personally think this is a marvelous policy, I have a feeling parents of daughters might feel otherwise.

Ebaumsworld has this classic footage of a much younger and less beefy Vin Diesel break dancing. He undoubtedly is rueing the day the Internet was invented right now.

BTW, was there really a time people actually were interested in a breakdancing instructional video? I know it was big for 10 minutes or so, but an instructional video? This seems in hindsight about as useful as teaching someone to burp the alphabet.

Will the Thrashers make the playoffs? Let’s consider where they are and where they need to go. Currently sitting 9th with 76 points the Thrash are 3 pts out of a playoff spot at this moment. In front of them are the Lightning in the 6th spot with 81 pts, the Devils in 7th with 79 pts, and the Canadiens in 8th with 79 pts(The 5th spot is 90pts and thus out of reach for the Brown Birds unless the Rangers totally skate over their johnsons the next 3 weeks). Obviously they need to pass one of these three teams to get into the playoff mix, so who is the likely candidate? The Lightning seem like the obvious choice because the Thrash go head to head against them 3 times in the final 11 games and control their own destiny, more or less against them. However all of those games will be played in Tampa and outside of 3 games remaining with the Hurricanes the Bolts don’t play anyone else in contention for a playoff spot. Barring a 3 game sweep of the ‘Ning don’t count on the Thrash passing them. The Canadiens also seem a possibility; they are only 3 points up. However the Habs schedule is an open invitation to the playoffs. 8 of their last 11 are at home and only 6 of those are against teams currently holding playoff spots, with 4 of those 6 at home. In other words the Habs should rack enough points against the Bruins and Caps of the NHL to stay safely ahead. This leaves us with my pick to pass, the NJ Devils. The Devs have a rough schedule 6 away and 5 home with 9 meetings with current playoff teams on tap including 3 with the Flyers and 2 with the Habs(may they kill each other). It’s hard to see a tired Devs team getting much more than a point a game out of that scenario and even that might prove too difficult. I say 90 pts tops for the Brodeurs and maybe less.

So the Thrash need to find 15 pts (out of a possible 22) to get to 91. Looking at the schedule it’s going to be tough. Only 4 home games remain with 7 on the road, 6 games remain against playoff teams with 4 of those being on the road (3 against Tampa). The Tampa games are huge, not only to gain on the ‘Ning dynasty, but also to keep positive momentum going. Ottawa looks like a loss to me, and the two homers against the Canes will be no picnic either. The 5 games against the non playoff teams are a must for the Thrash, anything less than say 8 points in those games and the Birds probably have no shot. 10 would be best but I won’t get greedy. Let’s say 4 more against the Bolts and then at least 3 against the Canes, which would bring us to 15. A tall chore, but certainly possible. Let’s Go Thrashers!

George Effin Mason? You had to be a member of the Psychic Friends Network to see that one coming. This has been one crazy tournament, consider these fun facts: lowest seed (tied, LSU in ’86 was also an 11) ever to make a Final Four. Only the second time in history(1980 was the other) that NO number 1 seed advances to the Final 4. The conference with the lowest seasonal RPI among the 5 majors sends 2 teams to the Final 4. Florida is the best team on paper, left standing. Of course given what's happened to the other best team's on paper in this tourney that may be an unenviable spot to be in. Be that as it may the Gators appear to have the personnel to get it done, Now let's see if they do.

Other random musings: Is anyone else tired of all the Masters' promos talking about "a tradition unlike any other." Isn't that the definition of tradition? If it was like others in the first place would it really be a tradition? Isn't that a superfluous statement?

Jon Stewart is set to host the Peabody awards, no word on whether or not he'll do a Death to Smoochey joke.

Pamela Anderson bought a condo in Vegas. This brings whole new meaning to the term the Strip.

Drew Lachey's publicist released a statement announcing the birth of Drew's baby. Wait, Drew Lachey has a publicist? Why? Isn't this akin to Vanilla Ice having a publicist announce he's finally decided to go with one hair color. Does anyone care?

And finally sorry EW the best show on TV is the Sopranos, not 24. The Sopranos has it all, emotional turmoil, inventively metaphoric dream sequences, realistic hard edged action, and more morality plays than you can shake a stick at. Most importantly the characters on the Sopranos feel genuine(warts and all), unlike the cookie cutter ruthless baddies on 24 facing off against the equally impossibly efficient government agents(seriously do you think actual government folks are this good? See Hurricane response for answer).

Global warming anyone? The RealClimate website has posted an article citing new evidence about how much sea levels could rise due to global warming. Here's the nitty gritty if you don't fell like reading the whole thing:
Projecting forward in time, the implication is that our future will also see 4-6 m of sea level rise, and that -- given the recent evidence for accelerated flow of both Greenland and Antarctic glaciers -- this may occur much faster than we expect. In the model simulations, Greenland may already be warmer in 2100 than it was at the height of the LIG. The rate of sea level rise associated with the warming into the last interglacial was probably greater than 10 mm/yr* while current sea level rise is roughly 3 mm/yr. To the extent that the LIG is a good analog for our future, sea level rise is therefore rather likely to accelerate.

4 to 6 meters for those without metric conversions handy is approximately 13 to 19 feet of extra water around the globe. Most of south and central Florida would be gone. Manhattan would be under water, the subways would be fun to explore for scuba enthusiasts, but not good for commuting. We wouldn't have to worry about New Orleans reconstruction, because there wouldn't be a New Orleans, or much of South Louisiana which would vanish, along with nice chunks of Alabama, Mississippi, or Texas. A number of critical U.S. ports such as Galveston, Houston, Tampa, and Miami; would no longer have to worry about whether Arabs would be running their security, as they would be under water.

As a public service, I'm providing a link to the National Elevation Dataset here. This way you can check and see if your home will soon merge with the Little Mermaid's. On the upside if you're not under water, you may soon get to take advantage of newly created beachfront property!