Thursday, July 29, 2010
Mass Transitquette: To bus or not to bus.
Like many others nowadays I am trying to lower my carbon footprint. Not that I think my own meager contributions will greatly forestall the melting of the North Pole, but every bit helps.
Now I often hope that I can make it through the loading of the bus without someone occupying the seat next to me. I'm ambivalent about people sitting next to me, on occasion some interesting conversation can result but mostly it's some jackass tap, tapping away on their blackberry and taking more than their fare share of seat space.
This evening was a most interesting trip as the gentleman next to me had an Archos 5 Internet tablet.
Now I have nothing against someone bringing something to occupy their time on the bus (I myself have been known to bring my PSP), but there should be some common sense displayed when using said device. This guy whips out his tablet and cues up the movie Sin City. Now he'd obviously been watching the movie on the trip in this morning, because the movie started not at the beginning, but at the scene where Mickey Rourke breaks in to Carla Cugino's apartment. So naturally the first thing that my wandering eyes witnessed as they glanced at his screen was the sight of Miss Cugino's lovely breasts.
I being no prude, greatly enjoyed this. But it did make me wonder what might have occurred if he'd sat next to, say, a baptist minister or perhaps one of Sarah Palin's Mama Grizzlies. I'm sure the fireworks would have been breathtaking. In the South the person next to you might always be a fundamentalist lunatic and worse yet they could be armed. So watch with care.
The other mistake he made was his choice of drink. A brown concoction in a Propel bottle that had a bizarre smell. It smelt both sickeningly sweet and yet burnt. It was the scent I'd imagine a beer and chili fart would smell like if emitted by Strawberry Shortcake.
Hmm, next time have a salad
So to this gentleman and all other Clean Air Commuters I offer a few rules for happy commuting.
1. Personal Space is important. If you are more than 250 lbs don't sit next to anyone. Or you'll be crushing them on the glass like Dwight Howard in a Hawks game.
2. Avoid weird food and drink. There is no need for anyone to be eating on the bus, and drinks should be limited to the morning staples, coffee and water. No one wants to smell your exotic energy drink that was brewed by gnomes in Bolivia.
3. If you must talk on your phone do it quietly. No one else gives a shit what you're doing this weekend, or about the CRISIS in your office. If you were that important you wouldn't be on a bus.
4. If someone looks like they don't want to talk to you... they probably don't. I'm sure your kids are brilliant, your sports team is winning and that chinchilla fighting ring you've got in your basement is a rousing success, but I really don't care to hear about it.
Don't be fooled, they'll throw down
5. Try to avoid sleeping on the bus. If you must sleep do not lean on the person next to you. The last thing anyone needs is drool on their shoulder and snoring thundering in their ear because you just had to watch Letterman live.
6. Don't hit the stop requested button on the trip back to the park and ride. The bus is ONLY going to the park and ride, you don't need to remind the driver to stop there... unless of course it's Spencer Pratt.
7. Keep your headphones at a reasonable volume. If I can identify what your listening to, chances are it's too loud. Tinnition is not a good thing.
In short anything that might cause static on transit should be kiboshed. We're all riding together so we all hold each other's fates in our hands. A little consideration goes a long way and will bring good karma to you... and hopefully the planet as well.
Happy Riding!
Now I often hope that I can make it through the loading of the bus without someone occupying the seat next to me. I'm ambivalent about people sitting next to me, on occasion some interesting conversation can result but mostly it's some jackass tap, tapping away on their blackberry and taking more than their fare share of seat space.
This evening was a most interesting trip as the gentleman next to me had an Archos 5 Internet tablet.
Now I have nothing against someone bringing something to occupy their time on the bus (I myself have been known to bring my PSP), but there should be some common sense displayed when using said device. This guy whips out his tablet and cues up the movie Sin City. Now he'd obviously been watching the movie on the trip in this morning, because the movie started not at the beginning, but at the scene where Mickey Rourke breaks in to Carla Cugino's apartment. So naturally the first thing that my wandering eyes witnessed as they glanced at his screen was the sight of Miss Cugino's lovely breasts.
I being no prude, greatly enjoyed this. But it did make me wonder what might have occurred if he'd sat next to, say, a baptist minister or perhaps one of Sarah Palin's Mama Grizzlies. I'm sure the fireworks would have been breathtaking. In the South the person next to you might always be a fundamentalist lunatic and worse yet they could be armed. So watch with care.
The other mistake he made was his choice of drink. A brown concoction in a Propel bottle that had a bizarre smell. It smelt both sickeningly sweet and yet burnt. It was the scent I'd imagine a beer and chili fart would smell like if emitted by Strawberry Shortcake.
Hmm, next time have a saladSo to this gentleman and all other Clean Air Commuters I offer a few rules for happy commuting.
1. Personal Space is important. If you are more than 250 lbs don't sit next to anyone. Or you'll be crushing them on the glass like Dwight Howard in a Hawks game.
2. Avoid weird food and drink. There is no need for anyone to be eating on the bus, and drinks should be limited to the morning staples, coffee and water. No one wants to smell your exotic energy drink that was brewed by gnomes in Bolivia.
3. If you must talk on your phone do it quietly. No one else gives a shit what you're doing this weekend, or about the CRISIS in your office. If you were that important you wouldn't be on a bus.
4. If someone looks like they don't want to talk to you... they probably don't. I'm sure your kids are brilliant, your sports team is winning and that chinchilla fighting ring you've got in your basement is a rousing success, but I really don't care to hear about it.
Don't be fooled, they'll throw down5. Try to avoid sleeping on the bus. If you must sleep do not lean on the person next to you. The last thing anyone needs is drool on their shoulder and snoring thundering in their ear because you just had to watch Letterman live.
6. Don't hit the stop requested button on the trip back to the park and ride. The bus is ONLY going to the park and ride, you don't need to remind the driver to stop there... unless of course it's Spencer Pratt.
7. Keep your headphones at a reasonable volume. If I can identify what your listening to, chances are it's too loud. Tinnition is not a good thing.
In short anything that might cause static on transit should be kiboshed. We're all riding together so we all hold each other's fates in our hands. A little consideration goes a long way and will bring good karma to you... and hopefully the planet as well.
Happy Riding!
